sedation

if I could say it I would
but with you the greatest joy is born
big loud ovals of laughter
hop into the ripples of existence
far removed are the linings
to my lungs I gasp to breathe in

Love Affair

Every time I see attraction in the eyes of a stranger
I pretend we’re having a maddened love affair.
It explains the awkward look-aways,
how we force our stares to the sign,
the wall,
to someone less attractive.
It explains the inability to breathe,
to move,
how the clock dissipates to dust.

It usually starts at Starbucks,
the drive-through window.
You’ll be steaming my soy and pumping my flavor,
filling my cup;
I’ll be grinning through layers of glass,
a forceful glare,
just turn!

You turn.
I look away and then look back.
You’re still looking.
Panic!
We made love like Godiva and Aretha in a bed made of velour.
We told no one but the bathroom floor.

I saw you changing my oil.
I couldn’t remember my license plate number,
what is the model of my car?
I don’t mind your greasy hands,
or the hole in the ass of your jeans.

Oh, I know you!
You bring me way more than food!
Your collar is hiding your name tag, doll.
My smile is your best tip yet,
and can I get my bill so I can find out
what your name is, please?
I want to hold you in my mouth.
Don’t stop.
Can I get that to-go?
Hi, haha.

And as I drive away,
I hear you singing your heart break to me
through my very own speakers.
The yellow lines blur from my tears while I mouth
the very same words because that makes us one.
You are the one.
You are the one.
You are the one.

Oh, hi.
Yes.
Yes, I forgot to call you back.
I’m busy tomorrow night.
And the next night.
And the night after that.
I’m just not ready for a relationship.
You too.
Ew! No I will not go out with you! Ew!

My heavy sigh pulls me like heavy slate
back to my driveway, back to my
bed of one, pillows for two;
Back to my love affair with Anaïs Nin,
It’s her words that keep me coming
long after the lights go out.

dressed to the 9s

i.

there were six tables and a chair
six tables and a chair and six roses there
in a vase, cloth like the pictures on the walls
glory mornings wrapping bodies long around
white posts the bricks were 3-dimensional
the concrete stained with clay dust kids
screaming next door I’LL CLEAN IT MOM
and the rain swept pitter patter, pitter patter
while broken wet clouds raced across an open sky

ii.

crosses hold up mailboxes, electricity lines,
and frame doors of every building, no matter
how anti-Christ you are he’s imbedded into
our culture so deeply you can’t build a house
and call it home without the symbol of his throne
founding the ground that holds your walls
or the universe as lines cross he’s everywhere
the further you run the more he’ll come to
show himself like a love you want to forget

iii.

the flowers trampled themselves this year
I didn’t have to buy them, have them injected
with hormones like I do my meat and fruits
and veggies and children to make them at least
look normal I called a clock a jerk today it
made me look late as if time were God or the
ultimate judgment of how responsible I am
with my heart I found two words in the word
heart they are he and art and that is real love

iv.

cement shine further upon building to building
flags raised half mast but only ‘cause the chain
is broken crickets cry when the light inside me
burns it’s like it calls to all life the birds and deer
the skunks, beetles, worms, fish and flowers
run to me like I might be snow white her light was
the same the dwarves felt it without shame and
the whole prince thing was really God saying
I can reach you beyond any dragon

v.

when rain stops so does the world and the only
thing that keeps it turning is ourselves except all
we do is live and die we live and die we live and
keep trying to not die by taking chemicals that
kill us and nothing is healthy any more the
toothpaste has yellow 5 in it and that causes cancer
but so does fluorescent lighting except fluorescents
also keep our serotonin levels barely at a peak that
keeps us from suicide now that living is suicidal

vi.

a joke a day keeps the doctor away but apples
make our teeth strong if we have them and morbid
honesty is somewhat like a shock to the corporate
business world when it deflates the hot air within
their brains to show them that working smarter
means not working at all but letting God fall
during business hours while not reading the news
at all because then our appetites will be for things
purely platonic like world peace and joy and love

vii.

yesterday a spokesperson said getting the world to
change is like moving an elephant in the opposite
direction it can happen but it takes time and patience
and I laughed in my twisty turning leather chair
at all the minds who missed the most brilliant thing
said that wasn’t on the power point slides clicking
past more of our lives than our complaints I shook
my head crossed my hands and went down past the
ground below my faith thanking God for the doughnut

viii.

sometimes a period is more than a birthright or
an end to a beginning of a thought when you use it
for holes in laced curtains veiling only part of yourself
hidden like html behind a web based application this
job means nothing to me like you mean nothing to me
and I keep learning information that I’ll more then likely
use someday and look back and laugh saying things like
maybe that part of my life was worth something and
maybe that person was worth something as if worth is value

ix.

an angel stood in the corner and moved by my bed
that night I swore to God I’d rather be dead than to
own all of the ignorance I’d let myself keep in boxes
and books and cupboards between sleeves and balls
of dry socks lined with neon colors and frilly notes
about lovers I never loved but wanted power over
when jealousy started commanding my days events
making me say words and things I’d recompense if
I hadn’t spent the last of my heart to call you crazy

Onomatopœia

almond crunch nut bar

the birds and the bees

I gazed upon a bird chasing a bee
like a nature’s dance to the orchestration of
chirping just beyond the hill.

She passionately flittered to and fro
as the bee dived upwards and downwards
and shot high up to finally free himself.

I giggled to relax as the bird dived into a bush
in survival-search of a mere worm,
and God said, “Let there be Life.”