inmate

I used carry fear in a leather medicine bag around my neck as I would walk in the open dark alone to see the magic of the moon cry for a companion.

Now, I stay inside with many guns, knives, and mace in artificial light with my companion seeing the moon through an inch of blinds.

In the Night

I awoke and felt you
cradled behind me
your long slender frame
so dark and sweet
Your scent holding me
like God holds a universe.

I feel your fingers
travel across my ribs
to cup my breasts,
your grip confident
and breath heavy.

You pull me into you over
and over speaking verses of Rumi
in your grandfather’s tongue
and my love for you takes form
in tears sliding down
my face-
                  I whimper,
Taking you however you come.

red head

I want a red head
Small and quiet
Tight with cream skin
Covered in freckles
Newly blushed lips and
Fragile fingers
A mystery in her smile
untouched but wanting
A mind the size of a universe
A conscience the color of god
I want her faith to be humble
And her ego lost to the wind
I want her eyes to sparkle
Like light on the water
And her feet to be thin.
I want the world to see her
And love her like I will.

I cradle you

As the moon cradles the evening star,
I cradle you.
My babe who gives no judgement to names,
who knows not of suffering or pain,
who came still, yet breathing, during rain.

In the evening, I lull Scarborough Fair,
soft lashes fall, rose cheeks and oat-soaked skin,
lips puckered to grin, tongue rocking
as I rock to sustain your life.

I gather you and lie sleeping,
our breath still one,
You carry me softly
back to where we came from,
back to where we all were before we are born,
Like the moon cradles the evening star
I cradle you.

Happy Birth Day Wish

I wonder
Will i always cry for you on your birthday
Like i did the day you were born blue and pudgy, not breathing
Your hands balled, legs frozen,
Not a kick?

I spoke to you across the room
Asking you to please stay with us,
We love you so much already,
As they pumped air into your tiny trying lungs.

Your dad stood by your side,
Never losing sight of you as
Dr. Wolfe stitched me up,
trying to stop the bleeding.

I could only feel ecstasy
as the cord between us quickly severed,
not knowing of the whole new level
of pain being a mother would bring
for years to come.

Your blessed soul stays with us,
your memory still overcomes this happy wish
As we weep to remember the day
a son to us was born.

Kisses

I cook.
I clean.
I wash
and rinse,
and wipe,
and hug,
and carry,
and the kisses never stop.

I smoke occasionally,
gripping tightly to the cigarette of my sanity
exhaling the heartache to dive and windsail,
lips longing.

I cry between naps, 
pray as they fall into sleeps
of good dreams,
of true love.

I bite my bleeding lips.
I clutch my clothes
as they continue to fall
head first
in,
to experience reality.

I hold my breath at times,
for fear my leaving will
cause the wailing only
darkness knows.

I eat small bites
between their smiles and their tears. I
trust noone to tell them their truth.
I paint their names on spaces,
making comfort and room where ere’ they go,
as toys are thrown at me again and again,
but the kisses never stop.

We clap.
We sing
and speak languages
only mothers and babies know.

My shirt drenched in snot, slobber, and vomit.
Pants stained with blood and piss.
You say I am a bad mom
as you walk out on us weeping,
leaving a trail of pieces that will
cut and scar us
for lifetimes.

But the kisses never stop.